Love Letters and Disillusionment: Moral Ambiguity in Romance Writing

By Ketaki Thorat

Edited by Annabel Wearring-Smith

When hearts are entangled, grand romantic gestures speak much louder than words. Words often falter amidst the sea of emotions far too grand to be expressed by the constraints of time and voice. The embrace of love letters in a relationship emerges as a warm envelope for the reader, surpassing the spaces between hearts, minds, voices and words. Expressing love through a letter echoes a sense of intimacy and a timeless quality that cannot be found in spoken words or fleeting gestures. The palpable permanence of a letter that you can fold up and carry in your wallet everywhere you go is an everlasting memento. But what happens when those words are weaponized for a selfish act of closure?  

Ali Rowland’s letter, ‘A Letter in a Relationship’, tackles the issue of infidelity and highlights the ambiguity and intangibility of morality within modern romantic relationships. Theo pens a letter to his wife, Emma, defending himself for betraying the trust in their marriage and having an ongoing affair with Emma’s best friend. He writes in the letter, “Things happen for a reason – I’ve always thought that, and I know sometimes you got frustrated with the number of times I’ve said it,” to justify his actions. He doesn’t appear to take any accountability but simply places blame on fate and destiny.  

Nora Ephron’s novel Heartburn, which recently celebrated its 40th anniversary, explores adultery and divorce as well. The novel unfolds the story of a young food blogger, Rachel, who discovers her husband is cheating on her when she is seven months pregnant. The novel thinly disguises a very similar experience in Ephron’s life. In the book, she writes, “Because if I tell the story, I control the version. Because if I tell the story, I can make you laugh, and I would rather have you laugh at me than feel sorry for me. Because if I tell the story, it doesn’t hurt as much. Because if I tell the story, I can get on with it.”  

Writing about life experiences gives a writer control over their narrative; it gives you power over your own authentic expression. Ephron’s novel empowers her as she reflects on her experience and grows in the face of adversity. Similarly, Theo attempts to control the situation in the letter he writes to Emma to express his own truth. If penning your perspective helps you gain a sense of agency, the lines between ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ can become blurred. 

The idea of a singular moral truth is an outdated concept. The acknowledgement of moral subjectivity points to the dynamic nature of a spectrum of moral interpretations and objectives. Nonetheless, recognizing a diverse range of moral codes across various standpoints does not equate to negating the presence of a code of conduct and ethical behaviour. Adhering to ethics and pondering ethical dilemmas is a natural outcome of a society’s moral discourse. Ali’s letter highlights how easy it is to get lost in the pursuit of moral understanding and abandon having a moral compass only for selfish gain.  

The representation of morally ambiguous decisions leading to infidelity in popular media has also transitioned over time and now plays out on our TV screens. The HBO drama miniseries Scenes from a Marriage outlines the relationship between Mira and Jonathan, a young couple grappling with the complicated issues that come with the changing dynamics of a marriage. Infidelity is more complex than being merely being unfaithful to your partner. Barta and Kiene show in researching ‘Motivations for Infidelity in Heterosexual Dating Couples’ (2005) how dissatisfaction in the primary relationship is one of the major motivations for searching for a connection beyond your current partner. The Emmy-nominated series concurs, shedding light on the motivations and circumstances that lead a person to be unfaithful to their partner. Mira experiences trauma that leaves her feeling invisible in her marriage and the series seeks to humanize Mira by portraying her loneliness within her marriage which ultimately draws her into the gaze of another man where she finally feels seen.  

In Ali Rowland’s letter, Heartburn and Scenes From a Marriage, the exploration of betrayal and moral ambiguity underscores the layers of human relationships. Each narrative delves into the complexities of love, trust, and accountability, revealing how individuals navigate the blurred lines of right and wrong amidst emotional turmoil. Characters involved in infidelity are often portrayed with depth and nuance, allowing audiences to see them as multidimensional beings rather than simply villains or victims. There is a growing recognition that infidelity is not always a clear-cut issue, reflecting a broader understanding of human relationships and the complexities of love, desire, and fidelity. 

Some might feel that Theo’s actions diminish the sanctity of letter-writing in a relationship by handing Emma a letter to end things without offering her an opportunity to participate in the conversation. On the other hand, Theo’s callous words of manipulation might also be translated by some as a chance to present his perspective. Some might see the letter as a confession, a safe place for Theo to profess his newfound love. Whilst some might feel that the integrity of letter-writing is compromised, others might believe that the letter is carefully constructed to craft a poignant declaration of love for his new partner.  

Is it appropriate for someone in a fourteen-year relationship to write a letter to their partner, seeking closure to relieve themselves from the guilt of their actions or is the letter a cop-out to avoid a confrontation? Is infidelity a simple breach of trust, or is it more complicated? Can truth be considered as a subjective concept? Ali Rowland raises many such questions in the upcoming volume of The Letter’s Page.  

If you would like to read Ali’s letter to dissect this complex story of a disillusioned relationship and find answers for yourselves, send us a letter of your own to receive Ali’s letter in your post. Keep an eye out for our aerogramme if you have already sent us a letter in the past. 

---

The Letters Page team are back in the office, and ready to read your real letters again. We publish stories, essays, poems, memoir, reportage, criticism, recipes, travelogue, and any hybrid forms, so long as they come to us in the form of a letter. We are looking for writers of all nationalities and ages, both established and emerging. 

Your letter must be sent in the post, to : 

The Letters Page, School of English, University of Nottingham, NG7 2RD, UK. 

See our submissions page for more information. 

To stay up to date on The Letters Page newsletter publication, subscribe here.